I'm writing this on a standard lined writing tablet (not yellow but a subdued gray color). I admit this because I'm trying to kick the habit, the dreaded habit of buying electronic gadgets that are a "must" as rationalized by me for their timesaving characteristics. 'Timesaving" is an oxymoron like "Army Intelligence" and, likewise, is "bass ackwards."
Wait a second! I'm getting ahead of myself.
"My name is Kevin and I'm an electronics addict."
That's how I start each "EA" meeting (Electronics Anonymous). Yes, they have a 12-step program for those of us afflicted with this disease.
(Excuse me for a second. I need to call my sponsor. I just fell of the wagon and used my Franklin electronic Merriam-Webster dictionary and thesaurus to look up how to spell "disease.")
Now where were we? (By the way, he told me to trash the electronic dictionary immediately; they have books now that you can use to look that stuff up.)
It started simply enough by buying a small electronic Spanish-English dictionary and using it occasionally, just on weekends, recreationally really, just taking a break from the monotonous task of fingering the little red covered book I used with my Spanish lessons. Now I'm into an electronic five language translator with currency calculator. Where will it stop?
Let's inventory my extra bag before I started rehab. Yes, roller bag, black bag and electronics carry all. In no particular sequence I'll just pull them out:
∑ iBook (12" computer with 1100 digital pictures)
∑ i Pod (MP-3 player, of course, with 3,200 songs, all purchased by CD or bought in the itunes store online)
∑ cell phone (with camera that can send pictures to any and all e-mail addresses or phones worldwide)
∑ digital camera with 3x zoom
∑ electronic dictionary (aforementioned)
∑ five language translator and currency calculator (also aforementioned)
∑ noise canceling earphones
∑ digital bedside clock with snooze feature
∑ charger for the cell phone
∑ charger for the iPod
∑ charger for the iBook
∑ USB cable for the digital camera
∑ telephone line for on-line access
∑ extra batteries for the digital camera and noise-canceling head phones and, of course,
∑ a bag of plugs to fit European, Scandinavian and South American wall sockets to ensure 100 percent charges for all devices at all times. (Did I mention I was "OC" (obsessive compulsive)? But that's another story.)
I'm sure I forgot something but that's enough electronics for now. Total weight is 11.33 pounds. Whew! I need an ibuprofen just thinking about lifting it.
When I realized I was using electronics excessively (headache, bleary eyes, thinking about my e-mail all the time), I tried to cut down by myself. Only two electronics a night and not before 5 p.m. (it worked for alcohol, I think). At first I couldn't decide which two electronics I'd use, then, after deciding, I would watch the clock for the appropriate time. It worked for a while but then I'd move the time up a little each day. Then it happened. Twelve noon and I was online checking my e-mail, then on the cell phone checking voicemail, then both at once when I got a text message and call waiting at the same time.
I had a melt down and went cold turkey that afternoon. I shut everything off.
I'm still an electronics junkie but with the help of my new friends at EA I "choose not to use." Thank goodness there is a government program to help us addicts wean ourselves off the need for electronics and the rush it gives us. They give us paper products to ease our pain of withdrawal.
This morning I received note cards, postcards, this writing tablet and a newspaper. This will keep me busy till the meeting tonight. I can't wait for the coffee they serve at the meetings. I think Starbucks gives it to them for free. I wonder if that's a marketing tool. It worked for Phillip Morris.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Friday, April 27, 2007
Hard and Soft People
Hard and Soft People
Pilots are generally hard people. Not hard in the sense of tough or rough-and-ready but hard in the good sense of hard numbers, by the book, empirical by nature and that sort of thing. Pilots try to create a black and white world or a binary one with ones and zeros. “Climb to and maintain Flight Level 350” means exactly 35,000 feet above mean sea level and not one foot more or less.
Hard people seem to remember numbers easier than soft people – or just have to because their line of business depends on the recall of certain numbers. When children or adults come into the cockpit before flight they comment on all the “buttons” (in their eyes, we push buttons for a living). They ask if we have to know what all those “buttons” do. We say “yes” and there are numbers associated with all the “buttons” we need to know.
Soft people don’t have all those “buttons” to memorize but can remember all your relatives, their children’s names and ages. Soft people can be innovative, independent, show initiative and change plans as often as they like. Hard pilots may have a little difficulty going there.
Soft people are extremely fun to watch and be with as they go through life. I know because I’m married to one and she’s interesting, exciting and a self described non-numeric. We’ve been married 35 years and just completed our 23rd move.
Over the years I’ve tried to explain how easy it is for me to remember numbers like our new telephone number. I dump the old telephone numbers like I try to dump the DC-10 and B-727 numbers I no longer use. Explaining to my wife how I link numbers together to make them easier to remember is like reading your insurance policy late at night in bed when disinterest and sleepiness overcomes anyone in a 15-foot radius. On the other hand my wife types faster than I can read and does difficult crossword puzzles that overwhelm me instantly.
Here’s how I tell her to remember our new telephone number. The number is 555-541-1744 (it really isn’t) and you remember the fives and 4+1 equals 5, next the 1+7 equals 8 and the 4+4 equals 8 so all you have to remember is 5 and 8. I’m 58 so that’s easy for me. Simple, right? I don’t think so. Simple for hard people and inconsequential for soft people. They’ll learn their new telephone number. It’s not a test or a race. Write it down, carry it in a book and look at it when you need it. That’s just as simple.
Another indication that you’re soft or hard with numbers was when you were in elementary school and were learning your times tables. When you came to the nines it was tough. You memorized 3 x 9 = 27, 4 x 9 = 36 etc. Well if you were gifted with a photographic memory, then that was less than a great problem. The rest of us struggled. Others like my niece Katy picked up on a mathematical relationship that goes like this. Take any single digit number times nine and the answer is simply figured out this way: subtract one from that number and that’s the first digit of the answer. Subtract the original number from ten and that’s the second digit of the answer. Hence, 3 x 9 = 27 or 8 x 9 = 72. Are you following instructions or did you already know this? Anyway if you understand this then you qualify as a hard person.
Here’s another easy test. It involves Centigrade to Farenheit conversions. Hard people take the Centigrade temperature, double it and take 10 per cent off then add 32 and “voila’” there you have it. Soft people say “30’s hot 20’s nice ten’s cold, zero’s ice.” My wife’s asleep now that I’ve read her this article. Her crossword puzzle is strewn across her lap. Does anyone know a nine letter word for half blood wizard?
Pilots are generally hard people. Not hard in the sense of tough or rough-and-ready but hard in the good sense of hard numbers, by the book, empirical by nature and that sort of thing. Pilots try to create a black and white world or a binary one with ones and zeros. “Climb to and maintain Flight Level 350” means exactly 35,000 feet above mean sea level and not one foot more or less.
Hard people seem to remember numbers easier than soft people – or just have to because their line of business depends on the recall of certain numbers. When children or adults come into the cockpit before flight they comment on all the “buttons” (in their eyes, we push buttons for a living). They ask if we have to know what all those “buttons” do. We say “yes” and there are numbers associated with all the “buttons” we need to know.
Soft people don’t have all those “buttons” to memorize but can remember all your relatives, their children’s names and ages. Soft people can be innovative, independent, show initiative and change plans as often as they like. Hard pilots may have a little difficulty going there.
Soft people are extremely fun to watch and be with as they go through life. I know because I’m married to one and she’s interesting, exciting and a self described non-numeric. We’ve been married 35 years and just completed our 23rd move.
Over the years I’ve tried to explain how easy it is for me to remember numbers like our new telephone number. I dump the old telephone numbers like I try to dump the DC-10 and B-727 numbers I no longer use. Explaining to my wife how I link numbers together to make them easier to remember is like reading your insurance policy late at night in bed when disinterest and sleepiness overcomes anyone in a 15-foot radius. On the other hand my wife types faster than I can read and does difficult crossword puzzles that overwhelm me instantly.
Here’s how I tell her to remember our new telephone number. The number is 555-541-1744 (it really isn’t) and you remember the fives and 4+1 equals 5, next the 1+7 equals 8 and the 4+4 equals 8 so all you have to remember is 5 and 8. I’m 58 so that’s easy for me. Simple, right? I don’t think so. Simple for hard people and inconsequential for soft people. They’ll learn their new telephone number. It’s not a test or a race. Write it down, carry it in a book and look at it when you need it. That’s just as simple.
Another indication that you’re soft or hard with numbers was when you were in elementary school and were learning your times tables. When you came to the nines it was tough. You memorized 3 x 9 = 27, 4 x 9 = 36 etc. Well if you were gifted with a photographic memory, then that was less than a great problem. The rest of us struggled. Others like my niece Katy picked up on a mathematical relationship that goes like this. Take any single digit number times nine and the answer is simply figured out this way: subtract one from that number and that’s the first digit of the answer. Subtract the original number from ten and that’s the second digit of the answer. Hence, 3 x 9 = 27 or 8 x 9 = 72. Are you following instructions or did you already know this? Anyway if you understand this then you qualify as a hard person.
Here’s another easy test. It involves Centigrade to Farenheit conversions. Hard people take the Centigrade temperature, double it and take 10 per cent off then add 32 and “voila’” there you have it. Soft people say “30’s hot 20’s nice ten’s cold, zero’s ice.” My wife’s asleep now that I’ve read her this article. Her crossword puzzle is strewn across her lap. Does anyone know a nine letter word for half blood wizard?
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Pilot Epidemic
Have you noticed something different about your fellow employees lately? I’m talking physically changing before your eyes. Next time you go to work, look at the pilots’ fingernails. A bit long and oh, so dirty. Yes, they try to wash their hands more frequently and pay special attention to the nails but on “that” side of security the fingernail file is not available. Waiting for the commute home they fidget with their hands, occasionally feeling in their pocket for the Swiss Army knife they used to carry. Oh yeah, confiscated on the way to work! An amputated nail file still lingers in their memory.Did you know that there are 113 diseases of the skin and nails, some directly related to improper upkeep of the hand and nails? A recent internet search showed 496 sites advertising help with some of these maladies, but all of them requiring proper hygiene after complying with these remedies. What about us? Are we left out here like clothes to dry? Has the government forgotten our little predicament? A few phone calls I made confirmed what I already knew. They refuse to believe there is a problem, let alone a blossoming epidemic on hand (ha, ha). Back to normal! Do your job. Continue as usual. But we don’t have the tools to do the job! Please sir, let us have our 1 1/2 inch nail files back. Do you realize as pilots we can carry firearms? Give us a little training and a lock box to carry our nail files in at least.A call to the Center for Disease control did get a little sympathy but this SARS virus has them a little busy and they said they’d get back to me. They did recommend wearing latex gloves but beware there is a large part of the population that is allergic to latex, so be careful.I’m not a scientist but I have been to the Galapagos Islands and my understanding is that the pilot group and their genetic off-spring will eventually grow abnormal fingernails evolving to suit their environment (being on the secure side of the airport system nearly half of the lives). One or two generations is my guess. I do remember a picture of Howard Hughes near his airplane. Look what happened to his fingernails.
Saturday, March 3, 2007
Senior speak
What Room Are You In?That should be a simple question, but it’s getting increasingly harder to answer. Room 451, no, 251 I think. Is it Dublin or Shannon? Was it the last trip I was in that same room or a different one? Are there two “R”s in Mar(r)iot(t) or two “T”s or both?Do I fly too much to Europe or is this the start of “Senior “ speak (what, was that for us)? I apologize to the younger co-pilots right now for the small memory or hearing lapses but I can remember where the crew bus picks us up in 32 different cities, so I think I’m good for something.The Euro makes it easier for all of us going to Europe, but I still occasionally call the local money by their older names (pound, punt, peso, sucres, soles). Pound and peso may still be good but what about soles? I don’t honestly remember. Current change is the problem (no pun intended). I can remember distinctly 1965 through 1975 but later on gets fuzzy. There’s only so much room in the old brain for changes or new information. I mean consequential information, of course. Aircraft systems and professional information is top priority. It’s the minutae of life that has the random access memory. When you shut down to sleep each night it clears the RAM. Next day you start over to fill it up. Lately I’ve been categorizing the crew members’ names on the printed crew list. MaryAnn gets an “F” (for front galley, of course), and Margaret goes by Jan. I believe Martha likes to be called Martita so I’ll annotate that. Does anybody remember the IRO’s name? I’m glad I flew nine different model B-727s when I was younger. Did we used to do a taxi checklist?
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